My Birthday reflection – Between Banky’s and Tuface’s marriages

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I HAPPILY completed another 365 days circle on Saturday December 2, and I am so thankful to God for another opportunity to live afresh. Here’s my birthday reflection from a happy and thoughtful heart overflowing with love. Good thing, it’s December and my day was last Saturday which afforded me the chance to witness the wedding of a dear academic mate, Ken Udeh and his heart throb, Ukamaka. I am usually very emotional and it was easy for the couple to get me reflecting on love and weddings all over again.

Same day, a lady sparked up a debate on Facebook asking why Banky W went for Adesua Etomi, she wondered if he (Banky) never had a normal girl friend who built with him when he was nobody and why he ended up marrying a celebrity like himself.

It’s simple – she’s an angel. That’s why he chose her. I recall watching her in the movie “Knocking on heavens door,” and thinking “wow, what a beauty”. Beyond the celebrity cover, Susu, as she is fondly called, comes off as a reserved, humble and caring heart. Who in his right mind would ignore such virtues in a lady of her status these days?

But then, to be fair, who built with Banky? Who stood by him when he was at point zero? We may never know who, but does it matter now that the young man had put paid to the debate by settling fully with his woman of choice? Yet, there must have been someone who held him down, back when he was potentially Mr. Capable. Doesn’t she deserve to be Mrs. W instead of Adesua? The case of TuFace and Annie appears like the exact opposite of the Banky account. TuFace made a U-turn after many years of adventure, to finally settle with his old love, Annie, despite having two other baby mamas and the dilemma of choice that comes with such complexity. The straight forward explanation for his action is that he chose her for being his “day one babe”.

But in my reflection, I now see beyond the surface. And I now wonder if he would have gone for Annie if all there was to her was her portfolio as his long time girl friend who was there for him despite his philandering. What if pretty Annie had been content being a normal lady dating a celeb? What if she hasn’t built her own brand and taken up a career? It is clear that she anchored on the African queen popularity to find her way into the creative industry but it’s no mean feat still, not many can seize the day even when the path is as clear as day.

Her ability to chart her course is a further testament to her sense of purpose and vision, qualities that may have added points to her. Being just a normal girl who stood by him during trying times may not have been enough to win her a permanent place in his celeb life.

Now that’s why Banky married Adesua. She may not have been there from the start but she more than made up for it considering the worth of her personality, personally and in term of career. It is not enough to help a man build and grow. In fact, the process isn’t complete if you fail to build yourself as well. If he’s the only one that’s on the path to self-discovery, there will most likely be a natural disconnect in the end.

Here’s the best part, the ideal partner is that one who builds you in turn, both of you complement, support, spur and encourage each other. If you are his investment as much as he is yours, why would he ever think of leaving those long years of sowing behind? But if you fail to secure his utmost commitment, then be ready to lose him to another.

Now you know why Banky’s old love ended up without the Mrs. W title after all.

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