Can you stay married after wedding?

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WE can’t get over #BAAD2017, top Nigerian music act Banky W and actress Adesua Etomi recently tied the nuptial knot in the most glamorous ways imaginable. From the traditional and court weddings in Lagos to the church wedding proper in South Africa, the phenomenal outings and packaging left us all in awe.

No doubt, that marriage has set a new milestone for ideal weddings in Nigeria. Trust Nigerian ladies, many have already taken to social media to advise any interested guy to step up to Banky’s level before coming close.

It is only normal to crave for such beautiful show of love and while we celebrate with the newly weds on their new beginning, we mustn’t forget that there’s much more to marriage than the whole fan fare. Can’t blame anyone who’s having endless bouts of marriage-phobia, it does take a lot to commit to marriage these days since one never knows what’s coming.

We should be thankful when marriages break up without records of permanent scars or even deaths of either or both parties. More and more people are dying in marriage mainly because we see marriage as a do or die affair. When things are going wrong, keeping up the pretence game for too long can lead to a sad ending.

The son of a former PDP chairman died recently at the very hands of his own wife, a classical case of marriage turned disaster. In a similar incident two years ago in Ibadan, a certain lawyer stabbed her husband to death. In both incidents the men were accused of infidelity yet they both sealed their fates as they trivialised the wrath of their angry wives.

Is marriage worth dying for and in that manner? Or any manner for that matter?

Thankfully, there aren’t many people who would gladly die in marriage, when that happens it is usually accidental. While these sad cases are regrettable, the men are all the wiser. Or are they? If you have met men who refused to conclude marital rites to their spouses citing financial constraints, take a closer look and you will discover that they probably developed cold feet, I tell you why.

I chanced on a young man who clearly falls into that category. Just when he decided to get married and took the first step, a serious bout of marriage phobia hit him. He began to wish he stayed single because his lady wasn’t letting any of his shady moves pass.

Hear him, “Yes, she suspected that I was making out with a certain lady. I won’t tell you if she was right because this isn’t a confession session.

” But who is she to tell me who to associate with and to determine the depth of my relationships? I married her, always provided her needs and she thinks that’s her licence to say what happens in my private life. How can that happen?”

I didn’t exactly know how to respond to that nor did I belabour the matter. As it stood, he had put further marital rites on hold to avoid being the next victim of brutal domestic violence. The thing is, even if he was actually dating another woman and unwilling to break off from her, the failure to give his lady the much needed sense of security in the relationship is likely the main problem.

Delaying marital ties or letting marriage phobia consume you will only keep you in a cage of your own making. Even if you consider faithfulness an uphill task, the least you can do is to be discreet and somewhat decent about your indiscretions. You could be saving your life by simply doing that.
Beyond the fun fare, marriage is not a do or die affair, if it isn’t working, try. If it’s still not working, try

harder. If it gets risky, let it go. To stay married, you need to stay alive first. Let go if it could get you killed.
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