Cheating is fun, but…

BEING faithful isn’t exactly interesting neither is it fashionable. It is in fact boring and drab; more like a straight...

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BEING faithful isn’t exactly interesting neither is it fashionable. It is in fact boring and drab; more like a straight road with no turns. Cheating is the opposite, full of activity, adventure; it lets you get expressive without restraint. Sounds interesting, right!

I had a rather odd experience some years ago. Things were going quite smoothly in the relationship until the scent of another lady became unmistakable. Despite his denials, I just knew I couldn’t possibly be wrong. Men should know this, a smart lady who is into you can always tell when her place is in contention; we just know.

But strangely, hard as I tried, I couldn’t just pick her out. They were very arty and managed to keep it low.

I knew that he was only cheating just because he could. It was only a game, fun, proof of manliness. She wasn’t more than a sex toy so he kept her identity secret, he wasn’t proud of it. But he was really enjoying it, I could tell.

Much as I tried to make him stop, he just couldn’t. I hated unhealthy competitions so I had to recheck my relationship goals. I found that I was getting what I didn’t need. I wanted to believe in something and someone and safely so too. Having to perpetually worry about finding out who he might be sleeping with per time was completely out of it. I began to see those early signs as red lights worth my attention. It made no sense letting someone tamper with my self-esteem just because some girl was being extremely generous. It’s not even as if we had discussed the issue in this regard. So, I left him.

Some months later, I got a call from Janet, his cousin’s friend. She needed me to visit her to discuss something important. I remembered her, very quiet and unassuming personality. She was plain and innocent looking, ever smiling and respectful, everything good. I decided to go.

When I got there, a pregnant Janet welcomed me. Shocked and benumbed, I sat down waiting to hear what she had to say. Then she went on her knees and in tears begged for my forgiveness. She then confessed! They were seriously making out all the while that she pretended to be just a friend. He was always worried about me finding out but she reassured that she would never tell. They only stopped when I left. By then she was already pregnant, with his child?

No!

Janet was pregnant for someone else. Apparently, my ex wasn’t the only beneficiary of Janet’s bonanza. He was in luck though since she didn’t pin the pregnancy on him, at least she still had a bit of a conscience. And then she asked that I forgive him too and take him back. Truly, he was still asking for another chance at that time but I couldn’t give it. I knew that cheating is not easily overcome, that’s why it is not easily forgiven. Forgiving an unfaithful partner today usually means that you are willing to forgive him each other time. You might think that unfaithful partners want their partners to be faithful but that is hardly the case.

Most cheating partners prefer it when their partner are also discretely playing games; that way it’s even and no one bothers to stalk the other. A friend recently corroborated that saying that relationships work when partners are like-minded and not when one is good and the other bad. Hmmm…

I have always held that being able to see the red flag earlier on can make a world of difference. If you notice that your partner cheats, it is only fair to clear the air just to be sure. If you find that it’s true, you have two options, walk or stay. If you do stay, make sure you are ready to always forgive each other time. In that case, you might want to invest in a robe of forgiveness. Good luck!

Cheating seems really interesting but the fun dies out fast. However, partners who cheat only come to terms with the stark emptiness it brings after a long time of addiction. Many are never able to get off that windy road and a crash is inevitable.

Please send your comments, commendations, and condemnations to ifyaronu@gmail.com

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