Dear Love Doctor,
I have been married for 10 years now and for 7 years out of the 10, I have not enjoyed sex with my husband. He usually comes very fast and leaves me sexually frustrated. Now for the last three years, I had an arrangement with somebody who has been satisfying me, unknown to my husband.
I did it because I have tried everything to make sure my husband is able to satisfy me, including buying sex pills for him, but nothing worked. However, after seeing my spiritual director last week, he advised me to stop committing adultery and make another effort to make my husband satisfy me in bed. My parish priest said that I shouldn’t give up. What do I do?
Love Doctor’s Advice:
I think your parish priest has a point. Marriage is for better, for worse. It is a commitment to remain with your partner for life and help him address all his inadequacies. Committing yourself to one person for the rest of your life means you should never give up on that person.
You need to keep trying to help your husband satisfy you in bed, except your husband is no longer willing to try. You’re there to encourage him. With your encouragement, he is likely to improve in his sexual performance.
Here are some tips to help you help your husband satisfy you in bed:
1. Discuss with him.
Explain to your husband that you married him because you love him. Therefore, your commitment to him goes beyond having sex. It is more about sharing lives. This explanation should lay a good foundation on which you can build on to improve his sexual performance.
2. See a doctor, sex therapist, psychologist, counselor or relevant professional.
Book an appointment with a professional and go along with your husband to see him/her. Professionals are well trained to manage such cases, so don’t hesitate to see a relevant professional to help you and your husband spice up your sex life. Through a complete medical examination which may include blood, semen and/or other tests, a doctor would find out the cause of the problem and help him get a solution.
3. Examine yourself to determine if you’re part of the cause.
Don’t be surprised that you may even be a part of the cause of your husband’s inability to satisfy you in bed. For instance you may be overweight or have body odour, poor hygiene or anything that could turn him off sex. So you need to check yourself too to make sure that you’re not part of the reason your husband doesn’t give you all the sexual pleasure you want.
4. Make yourself sexually appealing to your husband.
The good news is that if you’re part of the cause, then you’re also part of the solution; because if you start making yourself sexually appealing to your husband, his performance in bed will improve. What kind of perfumes do you use? What kind of clothes do you wear in bed? Maybe you can start by buying new sexy perfumes and lingerie that can help you arouse your husband.
5. Avoid self-medication.
When faced with sexual challenges, many people, out of ignorance, resort to self-medication. Some people resort to drinking medicinal substances or buying sexual performance enhancing drugs like Viagra without a doctor’s prescription. This is wrong and extremely dangerous to health.
Please do not buy any so-called sexual enhancing orthodox or traditional medicinal substance for your husband to ingest without first seeing a doctor and getting the doctor’s advice. Be warned: Many of these so-called sex drugs contain dangerous chemicals and poisons (that can seriously harm your body system without you knowing).
Self-medication kills. And self-medication is largely a result of ignorance. For instance, some men who have a history of high blood pressure are known to have died after using some drugs for the purpose of getting a harder and longer-lasting erection.
Encourage your husband to see a doctor for a complete medical examination. Doctors are able to see many things about our bodies that we do not see. So never encourage your husband to engage in self-medication in order to boost his sexual performance.
6. Make sure he is free from stress, anxiety or other psychological or emotional pressure.
Stress is a major factor that kills a person’s libido. For instance, if you have too much work to do, you’re likely to have a lower sexual desire. So make sure your man is free from stress. Help him to find out ways to manage stress in the office or workplace so that when he comes back home at night, he will still be able to ‘perform’.
Anxiety is also another thing to watch. If your man is too anxious to satisfy you in bed, he may just end up doing the opposite.
7. Encourage your husband to keep fit through exercise and a balanced diet.
When last did your husband go to the gym or work out at home?
Exercise will help both your husband and you keep fit and thereby boost your performance in bed. Through good exercise, your husband will shed unnecessary calories and improve his heart and body. Through regular exercise, he will also discover that he feels less stressed out. He will also happily find that he now has more energy to perform his duty of satisfying you in bed. Those are just a few of the benefits of keeping fit.
Also, help your husband watch what he eats. Adopting a good diet program will help refresh his body and mind and lead to improved sexual performance.
8. Tell him what pleases you and help him find your g-spot.
Have you ever told your husband what he can do to make you reach orgasm? If you haven’t yet told him what gives you maximum sexual pleasure and satisfaction, your silence is the main reason your husband can’t satisfy you! Therefore, you’re the main cause of your husband’s problem.
For many women, oral clitoral satisfaction or sucking or ‘eating’ their private parts makes them reach orgasm. However, since every individual is different, what works for some may not work for others.
Tell your husband what stimulates you, so that he can do it and satisfy you in bed. Don’t hesitate or feel ashamed about telling him, because you can’t be happy without sexual satisfaction. Help your husband find your g-spot or tell him what arouses you, stimulates you, or makes you come, for the sake of your own happiness.
The above 8 tips will help you spike your husband’s sexual performance and leave you satisfied anytime, any day, anywhere. Good luck as you implement them!
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