Love, and then blackmail

ONE of the stories that engaged the social media over the past week was about a certain pretty lady, Olivia...

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ONE of the stories that engaged the social media over the past week was about a certain pretty lady, Olivia Okibe, who not only shared pictures of her marriage introduction to one Malaysia based hustler simple known as E-money. Olivia used the pictures to caution young ladies to at least date a man for a day or two before accepting marriage proposals in order to avoid a sad ending like hers. A day or two? Well, we will take that up some other time.

On his part, the man in question (E-money) has since come out with his position and accused the lady of promiscuity. But amidst the brazen show, the stench of love gone sour and bitter now venting and seeking dirty revenge through blackmail is unmistakable.

“No secrets in love! Love is selfless and at best open.”

Now that’s what the books and norms say but we know better. A look around suggests that full disclosures seem to introduce an unwanted twist to love stories. Especially these days that relationships and marriages are breaking up in their numbers and secrets that were shared during loved up moment come awash, all stinking and dark.
That’s why some decide to play safe by not disclosing details of their sordid pasts and having no intention whatsoever to do so. But does this work?

We usually rate the seriousness of a relationship on how much we know about our partners. Hence, the more you know about someone, the more power you have over them. This should be a good thing as it tells you exactly what you are in for. But here’s what’s disturbing, when things go sour, even the meekest minds are seen to actively consider, process and unleash all kinds of blackmail based on information received when the going was good. How concerned should you be about this?

Well, no one wants to be discussed in public for the wrong reasons. And in cases of bitter love induced blackmail, lots of exaggerations come into play in order to paint the other in the darkest shade of black and reduce them to nothingness before the world. If you haven’t seen it first hand, I have. Deliberate distortion of facts just to make you look bad, hyper sensationalisation of matters that you just mentioned as frivolities, wrong representations of your personality and all kinds of wrongs ascribed to your person.

And truth be told, you may have to live with those wrong perceptions of you, as you may never get the chance to fair hearing. And then there’s no denying the fact that you were in a relationship with the person in question so if they suddenly decide to reveal your darkest secrets, it is believable. Now, that’s why you should be concerned.

It is best to approach all kinds of love relationships optimistically and hopefully there may never be any cause for public disgrace of one or both parties. But how about a tiny hint of pessimism, to understand that you still reserve the right to a couple of personal secrets even though no constitution lists that.

To understand that one plus one may not be one after all, or even two, you may be shocked that it could in fact be 11 or 200! So, no matter the level of the relationship, you are still different individuals with differing inclinations and proclivities. It’s important to note that the secrets we burden others with may not be needful so why mention it?

I maintain that its best to limit disclosures to matters that have consequence on your present relationship, anything extra is needless and must be avoided. And even when there are relevant issues to be shared, never do so prematurely. All at the best time.
Please send your comments, observations to ifyaronu@gmail.com

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