WHEN I started nursing the idea of going natural after long years of wearing long relaxed hair, I didn’t anticipate the level of concern it would generate from family and friends. Even from others that neither fell in the category of families or friends.
“Cut you long hair? Why?” they kept asking in various versions. Yes, my hair! It’s mine after all”, I would retort inwardly. I needed to assure myself that the hairs on my head were the subjects of this mini national debate.
I don’t recall anyone being supportive of the idea but the more they discouraged me, the more I wanted to do it. I would not miss the opportunity to let them know that I could make decisions about myself. Further shocks awaited me.
Have you asked of permission from your husband? That question that was made for me, as I found out, took the matter to another level. I actually thought it was my call.
“But it’s still my hair,” I said with all the emphases I could muster. I thought that I could decide on matters that affect my hair, at least. Or could I be missing something? Irene wasn’t finished yet.
“You must inform him before shaving if you want peace. She didn’t want to say more. She was speaking from experience as I later found.
Irene stopped shaving her pubic hair after marriage because “her husband preferred plenty of vegetables in his soup” as she put it. At first, she didn’t fully understand how much her man loved it bushy until the fateful day when she decided to have a thorough shave.
“You should have seen his face that night, he was so pissed. I even started to contemplate going to a barber’s place to get some random hair for replacement,” she joked.
I thought it was extreme but many others have corroborated that there must be approval before any form of cutting or shaving anywhere. Even when the lady finds it uncomfortable keeping hair, the quest to please her man should over ride hers, I learnt.
On their part, ladies usually care about the beard and how he wears it, even the man’s hair atimes counts. What isn’t immediately clear is whether the ladies take it up seriously when the man’s hair doesn’t fit her spec. For me, I wouldn’t make it a big deal, that’s why I found out hard to understand why I should need approval before trimming my hair and starting my natural hair journey.
Another view to this matter is that asking for approval from your partner for the smallest things from the beginning makes it a norm. Some people actually regard that as a mark of respect hence to maintain the peace, you just have to ask.
The strive for peace appears to be an aspiration of the women. When the men want something, they would want to get it, no matter who it affects the women. Where do these leave the women? Are the women ever considered in the decisions men make? When would women be so important in the lives of their men that they would count in their decisions?
Understanding your partner’s expectation even with regards to sensitive things like hair works best. It may not be as simple as you think after all; you may need an approval before shaving your own hair, seriously.
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