There’s nothing like marital rape

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Blessed are men whose women have high sex drive. Of course, knowing how important sex can be for men and how they can’t live without it, those that are with women who can “dance” forever without any rest can’t be less thankful.

One classical advice that young wives in our setting can’t avoid is a stern and seriously emphasised, “Don’t ever deny him, give it to him as he wants it”. Personally, I have heard that everywhere: house, church, school, market, street, just everywhere. And the threat, “Ensure to do that else another woman will do it for you and then you start complaining and moving from church to church seeking for solution”.

But it is easier said than done. As we know, the spirit could ever be willing but the flesh sometimes is weak. Since it’s more like a tradition to let him through anytime he wants and to please the man, a loving wife would yield always but what if she goes through pains most times in the process?

Some call it marital rape but that’s a rather disjointed term that should be reviewed. Granted, some men force themselves on their wives for various reasons and we must decry such acts. However, describing that as rape may not really fit the definition since he took what’s lawfully his howbeit forcefully. Sex in marriage may not always be mutually consensual since the partners may hardly be horny at the same time. Someone has got to indicate interest and then engage the other’s interest.

Guess what proper partners do? They patiently initiate the process before proceeding with the actual thing. Sadly though, many still force their way through thereby causing their partners pain. We know too well that its best to let a man be when he’s not ready after all enticements. There’s no need killing yourself over it when it’s just not responding or standing. Good thing for the men, they don’t get to feel any pain even if she tries doing a slot in just to see if things pick up from there. But you can’t begin to imagine the pains felt by a lady when the impatient man plays down on fore play and prefers piercing through a dry path.

Who does that? Men who have delicate skin dare not go down that road because they know the pains of having their tender skin peeled but those with tough fighter skin hardly care about how it affects their partner. That’s selfish to say the least.

It may be too extreme to describe forceful sex in marriage as rape but safe to say that it’s selfish and even inhuman to do that. The fact that it’s yours doesn’t mean you should bash it; in fact you should handle with care. If you can lovingly care for and drive your car avoiding crazy bumps on Nigerian roads, why can’t you also preserve your wives sexuality?

The fact is that the way some men bastardise the whole thing making it more like a show of violence and dominance makes women lose interest. The hormones that ensure wetness may go on leave if you disregard them by always taking it by force. Sex is best enjoyed together and should not be seen as a kind of punishment or way of unleashing violence.

The best way forward is to grow your partner’s libido, know what to do and when to do it, discover the right places to touch and never be in a hurry. With the right approach to things in the other room, there’s absolutely nothing like marital rape really.

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