TIMES have changed and lasting relationships seem to have lost their allure. Or is it that the changing times arrived with new relationship attitudes? Imagine being expectant of marriage proposal only for your partner to make this strange request, “I want to have a baby with you”.
Your head is making all the calculations. It is possible that is his way of proposing? Is he saying that the baby is the condition for the marriage going on? Is he ensuring that marriage would be consummated, the euphemism for the couple having babies?
Before now, this “want the baby but not the mother” syndrome was considered a “celebrity fever”, music stars like TuFace, Davido, Wiz Kid, Flavour and many others popularised the act and it does appear that this form of robust celebrity endorsement has somewhat legitimatised the practice to the end that average young people especially men now prefer having the baby but no marriage.
But some of us think it’s strangely crazy. My friend, Ogo, had to turn down a marriage proposal from a young man she really liked because he revealed that he had two sons, that is, two baby mamas by implication. She was especially pissed off because it was more like a confession laced with pride, the young man obviously didn’t see any wrong in it.
Two sons were the proof of his manhood or is it manliness. It seemed that he was also serving notice that Ogo had competition awaiting him. Two boys may be three from her, to prove that she was worthy of her man.
The men seem to be having a ball but what becomes the lot of young ladies who get caught up in this whole show of shame. While it may seem like a jackpot if the man in question is a top celebrity given that he would get to take proper care of the child thereby diminishing the shame somewhat, what becomes the lot of ladies who are involved with average young men out there who can hardly take care of themselves? But really, what has made this practise trendy? Is it the quest to join the bandwagon, the fear of commitment or just to take the easy way out?
My take is that polygamy is reinventing itself in this way but sadly, among the youth. In fact this is clearly youth polygamy. What better way to avoid marriage than to put two or more ladies in the family way? In that situation, being fair to all would mean getting married to none. It also serves a notice in future relationship that the character is a serial baby mama man. It also becomes the handy weapon for the man when he wants to end a relationship.
“Why do you want to be different?,” he would almost ask. “Other ladies are glad to bear my children.” Marriage then is out of the way, and drawing from his huge, if twisted sense of equity, he would not marry any of the ladies, since is most unlikely to marry all of them, especially as his quest to make more babies from more women would not be waning soon.
A word of caution for the ladies: Seeing how things have changed, it is clear that using pregnancy to entrap a man hardly works these days. The men have clearly found an odd way out. So the next time you think of taking that path, think twice; that’s if “baby mamaship” isn’t your thing.