Dear Love Doctor,
My name is Jennifer. I’ve been dating a guy for 13 months and he promised to marry me. We talked a lot and he showed love. Unfortunately, his former girlfriend just got pregnant for him without him knowing until five months after.
The baby is now five months old, and the baby and the mother are living with the guy at home. He told me that he just wants the mother to finish breastfeeding the baby before he throws her out, that he doesn’t want to marry the mother of his baby. He said he never told her that he was going to marry her, and that she forced the pregnancy on him.
Right now, he is begging me to forgive him, that he really wants to marry me. He says I should forgive him and accept his baby as my own. We love each other and I really need your counsel. I don’t know what to do.
Love Doctor’s Advice:
I really think you should leave him alone to face his new life and responsibility as a ‘married’ man. He now has a five-month-old baby and it would be wrong for him to do away with the mother just like that and hand over the baby to you to take care of him/her! Such an action would be highly irresponsible.
Sometimes, when we are in love, we fail to see reality and understand when it’s over. Don’t jeopardize the life of a baby out of your selfish love for this man. Be selfless enough to let him go, for the sake of the baby and its mother.
Sacrificing the mother of his baby and her baby for your sake would be an extreme measure. Things have changed now, and as a result, your “love” for this man will only serve as a distraction to him now. It would serve as a distraction preventing him from facing reality that he now has a family and living up to his responsibilities as a father and husband.
Tell him to iron out his differences with his wife and make his marriage work. He should be patient and marry the mother of his baby, except they are extremely incompatible.
He can work through his ‘marital’ problems. That is the truth. You’re only being a distraction to him now. Don’t dwell on the past love you shared with him, (because he now has a family and you ought to set him free so that he can be focused and take proper care of his family). Be thankful to God for the love you shared with him and move on.
Things have changed now. Therefore, you must focus on the future ahead of you. Pray to God and be patient. With time, you will get the right man for you. Don’t be selfish, sometimes you just have to let go even when you’re in love; especially when things don’t work out the way you planned.
It may not be easy, but it’s okay to cry and get him off your mind. Let him go!
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