‘I married my friend’s ex and I have no regrets’

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By Ireto Temofeh

MY name is Grace. Ten years ago, I was at the University of Ibadan. My best friend, Bunmi, asked me to go on a double date with her and I agreed. I agreed because she was always dating older men for money although she had a boyfriend on campus, and she had put me under so much pressure to do likewise.
So before the outing, I took my time to prepare very well so that I would look as sweet and sexy as possible to any man who looked my way.

I hated miniskirts because I felt they debased womanhood by exposing the thighs of a woman who ought to keep herself for her husband’s eyes alone. However, because I needed more cash than loving at the time, I knew I had to let go of my high moral standing. After all, they say that a woman stoops to conquer. So I had to morally stoop, as it were, in order to get what I want.

You can describe my reasoning as twisted but the fact is that I was really desperate for money at that time and was willing to double date or to put it plainly, to even sell my body if only I would get enough money to meet my needs, which indeed were many.

We went out that night and it turned out to be a different night. The big man that my girlfriend was interested in was interested in me.

So Bunmi had to go with another man that she wasn’t interested in. From the look in her eyes, I knew that she was jealous of me and I decided not to go out with her ever again.
Later on when we had returned to school, her boyfriend Dave came to see her. He asked her where she had been the previous night and she lied to him.

I didn’t know how to lie because I pitied Dave since I could see that he loved Bunmi so much. So I took him aside privately and confessed to him that we had gone to visit some old sugar daddies.
Dave really liked my girlfriend Bunmi, but she was a gold digger and was just using him. She was always asking him for money and he was always hurt and upset about the way my best friend treated him.
Finally, Bunmi broke up with Dave and moved to Abuja. But occasionally, I would chat with Dave on phone and still maintained contact with him.

In 2004 I realized I had a lot of feelings for Dave but I was in a relationship and he was in another relationship as well. I didn’t want to destroy his relationship because I thought he was happy. I also didn’t want to risk losing his friendship if I told him how I felt.

I kept it all secret and made little jokes about how I felt to him, never letting him know how I really felt. I broke up with my boyfriend in 2005 and moved back to Ibadan to continue schooling.
I told Dave I was back at Ibadan and he promised to visit me.

At Ibadan, I refused to live in the same room off campus with any promiscuous female student because what they were doing was affecting my safety.

She could go out and bring home men from the bar when her boyfriend was not around. I hated lying to anybody’s boyfriend because I was really against cheating. So I lived with a Christian sister.

When Dave came to visit me, we had fun for a week but one night changed everything. We went out to a club. Then we went dancing on the floor and I realized we were both alike.

We both danced the same way and loved it. It is rare to find some one like that. My feelings welled up inside of me. I wanted to give Dave a simple kiss on the cheek and as I did that, he moved his head and we kissed.
I confessed to him that night that I have always loved him. He was not surprised. We went to his hotel room that night with passion on our minds. We made love that night and almost everyday after that.

Within one month he took me to see his parents and they approved of our getting married. Now we are happily married with three kids.